my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
