I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
