This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
