i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
