I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
