you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
