FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
And then he peed in my hair
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