u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
