Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
