And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
