Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
