So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
