i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
