OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
