Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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