Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
