he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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