I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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