at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
