I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
