sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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