Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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