She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
