life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
