Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
