Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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