I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
