Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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