why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
