Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
