Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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