dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
