You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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