therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Princesses don't give blow jobs
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
