friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
