Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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