we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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