thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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