I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
