if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Less talking, more tequila
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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