I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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