Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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