just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
