I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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