Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
wow bdsm is so cute
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