Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
