he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
