I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
