i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
