I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I will be naked everywhere
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
