I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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