its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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